


Recovery | WinterSpider |

by D_oll



Series: Bucky loves Peter, and Peter loves Bucky. [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Actor Tom Holland, Angst, Bottom Peter Parker, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Coma, Everyone Is Alive, Fluff, High School Student Peter Parker, Hurt May Parker (Spider-Man), Hurt Peter Parker, M/M, May Parker (Spider-Man) Dies, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Deserves Better, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Has a Crush, Peter Parker Meets the Avengers, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Tony Stark, Secret Relationship, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Top Bucky Barnes, Underage - Freeform, Underage Kissing, Underage Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2020-10-24 17:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20709902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_oll/pseuds/D_oll
Summary: Peter had never met the rest of the avengers really, other than the fight at civil war, he'd really only talked to Tony often. I mean, of course he'd heard of the other Avengers and obviously fanboyed over them because, who doesn't? But he'd never think he'd ever meet them, one because Tony just seemed to adamant about him "not getting hurt" and "staying a friendly neighbourhood spiderman" you know, blah blah. And two, because why would he? I mean.. why would they want to meet him, and what occasion would even call for that?  Well, he didn't know that there was one occasion that would desperately call for that. Peter becoming an Orphan.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Hope you enjoy this!

Peter had been basically unable to sleep that night, his birthday was the next day and he just couldn't wait to celebrate with may. He'd go out and eat cake and they'd take a walk around the park and pet stray cats, they'd go shopping and Peter would be allowed to spend his savings, it was bliss. He turned towards the clock, 11:45, it read. 15 minutes and he'd be 17! Thats basically an adult, so he was pretty excited. Soon he'd get a job and graduate and he'd be able to help support aunt may and, god, he was just so insanely excited. What was even better was that tomorrow was a Saturday too, so he could invite MJ and Ned over and they could sleep over! He was happy that May let MJ sleep over, he didn't know why she did though, did may think he was gay? Maybe. I mean, he isn't the most stereotypically straight person, but he understood; he didn't feel any attraction towards MJ. He rolled around in his bed, finally settling on a position that was quite comfortable, he fell asleep slowly, listening to the clicks of the clock getting closer to his birthday.

RING RING

Peter basically shot up out of his bed, swinging over and hitting the alarm clock harshly, accidentally knocking it across the room and making a loud BANG noise. "oops.." he whispered quietly, walking over and picking it up. "Definitely broken, damn, 4th time this week.. these things are expensive." he sighed and tossed it in the corner, where a small stack of alarm clocks lay. "I am the biRthDayboY" he said excitedly while rummaging through his closet, almost purposefully making a mess as he chose out some nice black jeans and a blue T-Shirt. He hummed, grabbing his phone and seeing three birthday messages, one from MJ, one from Ned and one from Tony, he read them all. 

MJ: "Peter, you are growing up, istg, you're basically a grandpa. Promise to not eat cake without me today? Happy birthday." 

Ned: "Happy birthday Peter! I got a huge lego set so we can build it together!!!" 

"wait, I wasn't meant to tell you what the birthday present was, was I"

Tony: "Happy birthday, kiddo" 

Peter was basically glowing after reading all of the texts, he felt loved and happy. He replied a quick thanks to all of them, texting MJ and Ned to come over around 5, and then he put his shoes on and walked downstairs, to where he saw no sight of May. "May?, may are you there?" He went to grab the light switch, but before he could the light came on by itself and a bunch of confetti was sprayed in his face, blinding his vision, he let out a small squeal before wiping the confetti away from his face. "Aunt may?" He saw aunt may standing there, holding a confetti popper, with tons of balloons and other decorations around her "Happy birthday pete!" she ran up to him, hugging him "you're getting so old, you better not leave me, living alone is so boring" she squeezed him a little tighter "Of course may, I'd never! You're my best friend!" they ended the hug and may began talking about the day ahead of them. 

"So! What's the plan for today!" she asked energetically as she leaned on the kitchen counter. "I was thinking about starting the day with a walk? I want to go to the park and maybe get some popcorn or cotton candy, maybe see a movie! And then at 5 we come home, and MJ and Ned are gonna come over and we're gonna build some lego stuff!" Peter explained his thoughts quickly, he couldn't tell how fast he was talking but he heard may laugh a little. "Alright, let's walk around central park for a while, yeah?" She walked towards the door and Peter followed after her, they opened the door and walked down the steps and began walking towards the park near their house. "You're going to be going away to college soon pete, how do you feel?" May started, looking both ways as she crossed the straight, walking towards the park

"I don't know, I think theres going to be a lot of work so I'm not sure if I'll be able to talk to you, ned or MJ much, so I'm a bit scared, but also excited! Because I know theres a lot of cool classes at college and I really wanna take some of those! I really hope they have some cool science classes, maybe some math would be nice too, and hopefully I'll meet some cool people there! But obviously no one is as cool as you, May, so i'll never put any of them in front of you, yeah?" May laughed a bit at peter's rambling, but Peter could tell she was happy, her eyes were bright and she was smiling, he hadn't really seen her this happy since Ben died, so He was ecstatic to see her to happy nowadays. "Oh! Peter, look theres cotton candy," she said pointing at a small cotton candy stand in the park "let's go get some" she said, speed walking towards the cotton candy stand, this made Peter laugh a bit at the way she was rushing around to make him happy.

"Ah, yeah, we'll get two cotton candy sticks, yeah, pink." May spoke to the small lady sitting behind the booth, she did some weird voodoo magic in the little bowl and out came two sticks full of fluffy pink cotton. "Thank you, miss!" Peter said happily, turning around and rushing back to the path of the park, he picked at the cotton candy and shoved big bits into his mouth, within minutes he'd finished the whole stick, while may was still barely done "God peter, you eat so fast, it's a miracle you're not fat." she said, swallowing some of the cotton candy before putting some more into her mouth, Peter giggled and checked his phone, 2pm, they'd have time to see a movie if they went quick. "May, it's almost 2, lets go see a movie so we have time to get back to the house at 5, yeah?" peter asked, pulling on mays hand and running towards the nearest theatre.

When they got there, they checked the movies list and quickly decided on IT 2, they knew it'd be scared but they didn't quite care. "Yeah, two tickets for IT 2 please!" they happily asked the ticket salesman, "can i get ID for you, sir?" he asked Peter, who quickly pulled out his ID, which still said 16, but that was the age limit so, he didn't quite care. "alright, go ahead you two!" they rushed towards the snacks section and payed for some big boxes of popcorn before heading into the cinema. "Oh, i'm so excited! But also like, really scared, may have you even seen IT one? or no? I mean I guess it doesnt really matter but it'd be cool if you've seen It one-" peter rambled "yes, peter, I've seen it one" may giggled a bit, sitting on her seat as the movie began. 

They watched through the movie, and Peter checked the time as the movie ended, 4:50, "shit!" Peter exclaimed quietly under his breath, "What? whats wrong?" may asked, looking concerned, "NO, it's just MJ and Ned will be at the house in 10 minutes and we're like 15 minutes away, we gotta get going!" He pulled on aunt may's hand and they swiftly left the theatre, they ran out onto the street and didn't pay much attention to their surroundings as they happily dashed towards their house, they dodged people around the park and tried not to trip on rocks, though they did a few times, they tried their best to look both ways but sometimes they just completely forgot.

They were about 5 minutes away from their house and it was 4:56, peter was checking his phone when he heard a loud noise from his right and a shout "Peter!-" and he felt himself being shoved, and then a lot of pain.

Next thing he knew he was waking up, but he couldn't open his eyes, actually, he couldn't really move anything. But when he finally was able to open one of his eyes slightly, he could see that he was in a hospital, he let out a painful "hello?" which only resulted in him coughing and choking from the pain that came into his throat.


	2. Chapter 2

Peter tried his best to keep himself conscious but after the painful feeling in his throat, he couldn't help but settle down a little more, letting his eyes flutter shut again, he felt the darkness envelop him and he could barely hear his own thoughts, all he could hear was the sound of cars and busses, and someone calling his name... someone calling his name. For a second he couldn't pinpoint who it was, until his mind settled on Aunt May, he wanted to cry but the second tears started pouring out his eyes he couldn't help but scream at the pain, and squeeze his eyes shut. The pain from it all was enough to send Peter back into a deep sleep.

Meanwhile, Tony stark sat in the waiting room, constantly asking nurses for the stance on Peter, though none of them seemed to give an answer he liked. He hated to admit it but he felt scared, trapped. He was happy the kid was alive, but he knew he wouldn't be okay after this, he was scared Peter wouldn't be the same, and god he didn't know how he was going to break the news, how can you tell someone something like that? He didn't even want to do it, he wanted to say everything was fine and that peter was going to be okay, and he could go back to being the friendly neighbourhood spider-man, he could go back to school and live a normal life like Tony wished he could, but he knew that'd be a lie. He couldn't lie to Peter, he didn't deserve that. So he had to tell the truth, after around 10 hours of waiting, he finally got notice from a nurse that Peter had woken up for a second, but he had fallen back asleep. He was allowed to go into Peters room until he woke up.

He walked into the room, still having not seen the condition of Peter after the car crash, but now that he did, he regretted even looking. Peter had swollen eyes, a busted lip, his whole face had scratches and cuts all over it, stitches laced his body and he had his leg in a cast. Tony could tell that this was much worse 10 hours ago, and that Peters super healing was helping, but god. This was a lot, Tony was glad the kid survived, if it wasn't for his healing he would've died from this damage. He sat on the side of the bed, pushing Peter's hair out of his face. "I'm sorry I wasn't there." He said, feeling a tear drip down his cheek. He knew he couldn't have known this was going to happen, but he felt bad that he didn't know it was. He couldn't help but feel responsible, he could've been there, with the kid. It was his damn birthday for gods sake, but no, he had to be away. He quickly wiped away his tears and sat back in the chair behind him, just staring at peters condition until he fell asleep.

Peter felt his eyes open, this time it was less painful, he could almost fully open his right eye, and his left eye could fully open, but it was painful. he could feel his body now, and could move his fingers and toes, he was able to blink. He felt his mouth twinge into a smile at how he's improved so quickly, he looked around the room he was in and finally was able to assess the situation, he saw he was on a hospital bed, with a cast covering his left leg, he saw lots of stitches and cuts covering his body, but these didn't effect him as much as they probably should have, since he'd gotten a lot of these types of damages from past fights. He looked to his left and saw a TV in the corner, he could faintly hear the news playing, he saw some curtains at the foot of the bed and he could hear some nurses speaking outside of the room. 

He looked to his right and saw a man sitting on a chair next to him, he jumped a bit when he saw him, not knowing who he was. "H-Hello?" He was able to get out, though it was a bit broken and quiet. He saw the man shake a bit then he looked up, Peter squinted a bit and finally could see his face. "Mr Stark!" He tried to say, but his voice cut out near the end and he coughed hard, feeling an immense pain spread through his throat and chest. "Peter! You're up! Oh, yeah maybe you shouldn't do that, just- yeah stay down" Tony was on his feet. Peter could see when he opened his eyes that Tony had bags under his eyes, enormous ones, they were probably bigger than peters, to be honest. "What- happened." It took peter a few seconds between words but he finally was able to get the two words out. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to know, but he knew that in the long run it was probably important, so he asked anyways. There was no going back now.

"Kid..." Tony's happy face turned to a less happy face and this made Peter worry, his brows furrowed a bit and he could help but fear tears in his eyes, but he quickly blinked them away. Tony continued speaking "It was your birthday. You-" Tony sighed. "What happened Mr. Stark." Peter spoke up, his voice cracked but he was starting to get better at speaking again, the healing seemed to be going quicker now that he was conscious. "Kid, I- I just I don't know how to tell you this." Peter could hear the pain in his voice, but he needed to know, he had to know what happened. Tony couldn't just NOT tell him. Before Peter could try to talk Tony spoke up "You got in a crash- well- you got crashed into I guess. There was a bus driver, and he- well you were crossing the street, he didn't see you and he tried to stop but couldn't stop quick enough." Tony spoke really quickly, but Peter could hear it quite clearly, the memories came back to him in a flash.

"Aunt- may. Where- is she ok-ay?" Peter asked, emotions just flowing in his voice, tears spilling painfully from his eyes, his voice shaking. Tony just sat back down, his eyes wide, he didn't want to tell him, but he needed to, he knew that. "Peter- it's complicated. She- she pushed you out of the way during the crash, she took a lot of damage. The only way there was a chance we could save her was if we put her in an induced coma." Peter felt his world just drop, he didn't know what to feel, he didn't know how to feel. He didn't know what was going to happen and he didn't know what to say. He just, he didn't know at all. He felt hopeless. He couldn't do anything, he had to stay silent, there was so much happening in his head he couldn't bring himself to talk. May? May couldn't be in a coma, he's known may his whole life, she can't just disappear, that can't happen, no. It was his fault, he couldn't believe he'd forced may to go so quickly home. He felt the tears spill from his eyes at an increased rate and and heard the sobs escape his mouth. "Peter?" He heard Tony's voice, but he didn't care about that.

He was scared, what was going to happen now, was may going to die? If may died he'd be all alone, he has no one, he can't live alone yet, he's not 18. "Peter- please calm down." He heard Tony's voice again. "It's- It's my fault, Tony. Please you have to be joking, she has to be okay, it's all a joke." It hurt to talk, but he couldn't stop himself, the words escaped his mouth and he cried, he gasped for air as he felt as he couldn't breathe. "No! Peter- peter it's not your fault, you need to stop. There was nothing you could've done, peter, it'll be okay." Peter could feel Tony holding his hand but that did little to calm him. "No Tony, No it won't be okay- she- m-may's she's gone! She's in a coma Tony, I- I have no where to go, I miss may! I miss may, I want may." Peter cried, closing his eyes shut and pulling his arms painfully up to his chest. "i want may." he continued to cry and Tony just combed his fingers through his hair.

"I know peter, I know. It's okay, get some rest." Was all he heard before drifting off to sleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave some comments, I love reading them! <3  
\- Leo


	3. Chapter 3

Peter really couldn't remember much from the past week, other than waking up, seeing Tony, and occasionally seeing a woman with red hair who he now knows is called Nat, she seemed nice, Peter remembers talking to her a bit before he dozed off every day, he was healing quickly, he got his cast taken off and was able to open his eyes clearly now, but he needed much more sleep since his body was tired from healing, so he spent at least 16 hours of his day asleep, but usually slept through almost the whole day, only waking up to drink and eat. He hadn't talked much, other than to ask about how May was doing, or if she'd be out of the coma soon. He didn't really seem to care about much other than that. Peter had requested to see May a few times but Tony pushed it away saying he was too tired and too sick to see her now, and he'd have to wait at least another week until he saw her.

Tony noticed a visible change in the way Peter acted, he barely talked, though he probably could now that most of his body was almost completely healed. And he didn't seem to smile anymore, actually, Tony hadn't seen Peter smile since he's been there, other than a few times when he smiled at Nat, but those looked.. fake? Yeah. He was worried. He knew how it felt, to lose someone you love and not get to say goodbye, and to feel like its your fault. And since he knew this, he knew there really was no recovering from it, which made it even harder for him. He was scared that Peter wouldn't go back to the happy self he was, he was scared. He normally wasn't scared, but he saw so much of himself in Peter, and he knows how bad it hurts. He can't help but feel helpless. 

Tony was also worried because Peter was getting released in a few days, and since Peter had no where to go, Tony had already arranged a place for Peter to stay at the tower, since he wasn't legally allowed to live on his own yet. He was worried that Peter would feel overwhelmed or scared because of the amount of people there, and Tony was tempted to kick them all out for a month just so Peter could feel safe, but he knew he couldn't do that, since it'd probably make Peter feel even worse. So he didn't. God, if this had happened a month ago, Peter would've been ecstatic to go to the Tower, but now, he seems like he doesn't even care about anything or anyone, anyone other than May. But may's condition wasn't good, not at all. She'd gotten hit almost as hard as Peter, she'd tried to shove him out of the way before Peter got hit by the bus, which caused her to take a big blow to the ribs. She'd broken most of her ribs.

They had to put her in an induced coma so she wouldn't just die right then and there, and even now, there's not much hope that she'll get any better. The doctors don't know if she'll ever be able to get out of the coma, as much as Tony argued and yelled that there has to be a way that May can live, there didn't seem to be one. Of course, he hadn't told Peter this, if he did he was scared that Peters situation would get worse and Peter would act even more depressed, so, no way he could do that.

Tony was scared.

\--- timeskip---

It was the day Peter was leaving the hospital, he saw Tony signing some papers outside of his room, surrounded by a few nurses, and he sat on the edge of his bed in the new clothes Tony had gotten him, playing with his hands. He wanted to see May, he didn't want to leave the hospital. He didn't want to go away. He wanted to apologise to May. "Kid?" he looked up at Tony, "Come on, I'm taking you to the tower." Tony began to turn around. "Please, Mr. Stark. I want to see May." Peter pleaded, he knew it'd get him nowhere but he had to try. "Pete, please, not yet. You'll get to see her, you just- you need to wait, okay?" Tony turned around, reaching his hand out towards peter, who took it slowly and stood up. They walked out the hospital and Peter saw a cool looking car that he'd usually freak out over, but he just didn't care anymore.

He got in the car and Tony put on some light music, Peter stared at the trees, counting them as the drive went on, He wanted to stay there forever, counting trees, endless trees. He wanted time to just stop so he could cry until he felt better, or maybe he'd be crying forever, maybe he'll never feel better. He felt hopeless. The car ride was up way too soon. "I'll take your bags." Tony said, walking to the trunk of the car and pulling out a backpack and a suitcase, peter sat in the car for a second, not wanting to get out. "C'mon pete, we have to go inside someday." Tony opened the door for him. "I'll introduce you to the Avengers yeah? You'll meet captain america and the hulk, and all those guys, it'll be fun." Tony tried to make him happy, but all he got was a shrug and a quiet "Okay." They walked towards the door to the tower and entered, by this time, Peter had taken his bags and his suitcase from Tony. "Alright, your bedroom is on this floor, end of the hallway there. 

"Okay." Peter replied. "is that all you say now?" Tony pulled a joke, but Peter didn't laugh. Tony brought Peter into a room nearby, there sat Captain America, Bucky, Natasha, Bruce and Clint. Peter stood in silence for a second, his eyes fixated on the ground beneath him. He jumped a bit when Tony shook his shoulders and stated "This is Peter, the kid I told you guys about. He's gonna live here so get used to him, and play nice." Peter looked a up a bit to see Natasha smile, he smiled a bit back before turning around and walking out of the room slowly, going down the hall to his new bedroom. The room was bigger than his old one, and now he didn't have bunk beds, but a queen sized bed. the room was bland, he missed his old room. he closed the door and set his stuff down on the bed, unpacking some of his clothes into the closet. He didn't know how long he'd have to stay there, but he was prepared to stay there until May was better, because May was going to get better. 

After he unpacked, he sat on his bed, a picture of him and aunt may on his 16th birthday in the park in his hand, it was in a wooden frame. He stared at it for what felt like seconds to him, but was actually an hour in real time, he found himself placing the photo on his nightstand, before laying back onto the mattress. He was going to fall asleep, so he began to change, he took of his pants and exchanged them for some sweatpants, and as he was taking off his shirt, he heard a knock on the door, he walked towards it and opened the door. There stood Bucky, someone Peter had been quite afraid of for most of his childhood, having heard the stories of who he was. He saw the man look down at him, and instantly look away "Sorry, I didn't know you were changing." he said, his voice quiet. "It's okay, I don't care. What do you want?" Peter looked up at the man, his lifeless eyes were dull and quite scary actually.

"Tony just told me to come get you for dinner." he heard Bucky say, "Okay." Peter said before closing the door in Bucky's face. Bucky jumped a bit at the noise. "Rude.." He whispered to himself quietly, he didn't know what the kid had gone through, Tony hadn't really told them much, but he knew by the look in Peter's eyes that he wasn't okay. But he didn't care, right? yeah. He walked towards the dinner table and sat down. "Is he coming?" Tony asked, "I don't know, he didn't say." Bucky said as he took a fork and shoved a piece of meat into his mouth hungrily. "Alright, well, let's hope so." Tony said, they all started eating, the conversation flowed freely and they all were having nice conversations about their days, and they were talking about old memories. But everyone found themselves to stop talking when Peter walked in, he took a seat between Bucky and Tony, he didn't really look at anyone, just at the food.

He took a sip of water and lifted some food into his mouth. "Hey Peter." Tony whispered a bit. "Why are you whispering?" Peter replied, looking up at Tony, his mouth full of food. "Uh, no reason." Tony looked back down at his food. The rest of the dinner continued like this. Peter could feel the stares on his, some of them felt apologetic, and some of them were confused. He didn't really care, he ate as quickly as he could and went back to his bedroom, basically falling asleep right when he hit the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments! I love reading feedback and suggestions! <3


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a month or two now. Not much had changed, other than Peter's behaviour. After a few weeks, Peter began to smile a bit more, but he only really spoke to Natasha and Tony, later that week he went to see his Aunt in the hospital. She was still in a bad condition, but he was happy to hear that she could most likely hear everything he said. He spoke to her and apologised for rushing, he stayed there the whole day and night. This seemed to have helped Peter a lot, though many could still hear Peter crying late at night; but no one really did anything about it, since when they'd tried, they'd be pushed away. About two weeks into his second month Peter got his first nightmare, It was as if he was spectating what had happened on the night May went into a coma, the night they got hit by the bus, but this time he could see what happened. This meant he also saw the aftermath. He woke up crying and screaming. These dreams repeated themselves and he found himself having them most nights. Sometimes Natasha or Tony would try to ask but he'd get embarrassed and stop talking to them. 

Now, it was a two whole months after the accident, and everyone in the living room smiled as Peter sat down to watch a movie with them, at first he sat far away but soon he found himself sitting closer to everyone else, he found himself laying on Nats lap with his thighs propped up on Buckys lap. He felt comfortable in this position. He didn't know or remember when he started to feel happier but it was around the time he saw May, he'd vented his feelings to her and it made him feel better, Tony had told him some nice words. "May wouldn't want you to be sad." and it stuck with him, so from those words on he decided he wasn't going to mope around and cry about it anymore, he was going to get better and start talking and maybe even try to make some friends at the tower. He hadn't gone to school since the accident, but he was thinking of going, he knew he'd probably have to explain to his friends what happened, or maybe not, since they were probably told, but he really wanted to feel normal again. 

Tony had noticed that since Peter had come to the tower, a lot of the avengers had lost interest in everything else, Steve was focused on trying to help Peter feel safe, Natasha was trying to talk to Peter as much as she could, Bruce and Peter would spend time in the lab and Bucky and Peter just had a connection he really couldn't explain. He'd never been fond of Bucky, but if he was helping Peter open up, which he seemed to be, then everything was okay. It was strange to see everyone so worried about Peter, he'd never really seen the Avengers care about someone this much, but it kind of made him feel happy; he was finally trusting that Peter would be safe here, and that he would be okay and he could recover peacefully. Tony didn't notice he was zoning out of the movie until someone threw a piece of popcorn at his face and giggled, he turned towards Peter who was snickering with everyone else and said "ha ha, very funny." turning towards the movie, kind of smiling.

Around an hour into the movie, Peter had fallen asleep, at this point he'd moved around and now he was sleeping with his head on Bucky's arm and his legs on Nat's. When the movie ended, everyone except for Nat and Bucky left, being half asleep. "So, how are we gonna escape this situation." Nat asked Bucky after a long period of silence. "I think I'm just going to stay here, I don't really sleep much anyways." He smiled a bit. "Alright, you two have fun" She winked and Bucky sat there with a confused expression on his face, Nat slowly removed Peters legs from her lap and placed them on the couch, putting a nearby blanket over him then walking away. Bucky looked down at Peter and sighed a bit, and after two or three hours of trying desperately to stay awake, he found himself drifting to sleep, and instead of Peter having his head on buckys shoulder, he was now laying in Bucky's arms.

Peter woke up feeling warm, he felt warmth on his back and his sides, he felt an arm over his waist, which kept him connected to a person. He was happy, he felt peaceful, he hadn't woken up screaming or crying. After a few seconds of being calm, he finally assessed the situation and understood that he was laying on the couch, with someone. behind. him. He was being SPOONED. He felt a heartbeat against his back and steady breath against his neck. And by the sound playing on the TV, the person was DEFINITELY awake. He opened his eyes and looked down, seeing a metal arm wrapped around his waist. He felt his heartbeat pick up, he was being SPOONED. BY THE WINTER SOLDIER. He was about to stop freaking out when he saw the arm move and TURN THE VOLUME DOWN ON THE TV. 'Oh god, does he know I'm awake?' was all Peter could think. Although Peter knew he probably should have sat up and walked away, he found himself snuggling backwards into Bucky more.

This was returned with bucky threading his metal fingers through Peter's hair and before Peter knew it, his eyes were closing again. 

When Peter woke up this time, he was alone. No one was carding their fingers through his hair, no one was spooning him, he was alone. For a second he was confused, and then he was sad. Maybe Bucky thought it was weird that Peter leaned back into him? Or maybe he thought it was weird they were in that position in the first place and waited for Peter to sleep before leaving. It could very well be true that Bucky was homophobic.. since he was from a time where many people were homophobic. Peter sat up, a frown still on his face as he walked to the bathroom, quickly hopping in the shower and scrubbing his body maybe a bit too hard, his skin was red. He felt really sad, he didn't really know why, since this was the first time he and Bucky had even been that close, yet it had such an effect on him.

He got out of the shower and went to his room, tears running down his face for some reason. 


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a few days since the 'Incident' and Peter had spent so much time worrying that he didn't even notice that he wasn't thinking so much about May anymore. But when he did, he instantly felt bad for a while, he couldn't stop thinking about may, that was rude and disrespectful, right? No, he later found out it was okay to start to think about other things, May would understand when she woke up that Peter needed a distraction, yeah. Peter had been basically avoiding Bucky like the plague for the past few days, He'd been asked about his suspicious behaviour by Tony, Natasha, and, well basically everyone. And when he did bump into Bucky, before Bucky could speak Peter would make an excuse such as "I have lemons to be pealing!" Or "I have homework!" and dash away.

Bucky had been kind of sad that the teen was acting this way, he couldn't admit it to himself but he knew deep down he missed the feeling of being around Peter and ever since that night he's wanted to even more. He knew nothing had happened that night, technically, and he knew it was wrong to think slightly romantically about Peter, since he was underage, but he couldn't really help it. If soulmates were real, he thought Peter would be his. But obviously, he covered this up with his normal face, but Steve could tell there was a glint of something unusual in his eyes, but he didn't comment on it. Bucky had been trying to talk to Peter, stopping him in the hallways, but nothing seems to be working. He was worried the kid maybe didn't like him, or didn't want to be friends with him anymore, it broke Bucky's heart.

What Peter wasn't expecting was for Bucky to say "Can I help?" when he said as an excuse "I have homework!" he stuttered a bit but felt pressured to say yes after looking into Bucky's pleading eyes. "I-uh - well- i guess." Bucky smiled and followed Peter to his room, Peter didn't know if he should go to the living room or his bedroom, but if Bucky was going to scream at him or get angry at him, he'd want it to be in private rather than in public, so he chose his room. They walked into the room, and Peter placed his physics book down, and sat on the bed, pulling out a notebook and starting on the first problem on the page. He usually had done all his homework alone and in a quiet room with no distractions, as this was how he worked best. It was hard to pay attention when Bucky sat next to him and began to read the page.

"Can you teach me?" He said quietly, "what, teach you.. physics?" Peter responded, confused on why of all things Bucky would want to learn physics. "Yeah." Bucky said, not looking away from the book. "I- I mean okay, its boring but, if you want, sure!" Peter was kind of excited to be teaching Bucky this, well other than scared and nervous, since he was still trying to tell if Bucky was trying to be his friend or trying to be his enemy, but he settled on the fact that Bucky seemed to have gotten over what happened between them, meaning he had to as well. So he pushed on and began to read out the first question on the page, explaining his process in detail to Bucky, Bucky asked a few questions but seemed to learn quickly, this surprised Peter a bit. Peter saw Bucky smile a bit when Peter told him he'd gotten the question right, and Peter couldn't help but grin widely.

Peter homework took around 3x as long as it usually did that night, and usually this would have upset him, but he was glad he took the time to talk to Bucky, he actually found that Bucky made a good talking partner, he let Peter explain before asking questions, and understood mostly everything he taught him. He even found himself laughing with Bucky occasionally. Peter found himself wondering why he had been so scared before, since now Bucky seemed, funny and kind, which was different from when he was usually around everyone else. "Bucky?" Peter found himself speaking. "Yeah?" Bucky looked up at him, "Well- I just wanted to know because you know- you seem really cold and stuff a lot of the time, but you're really not and I just wanted to ask- well, uh, why? I- thats a stupid question but, why do you act like that so often, I mean.. You- I can tell you're not really like that- well I think so?" Peter asked, he stuttered a lot, trying not to upset Bucky with the question, Peter hadn't noticed but halfway through Bucky had started laughing a bit.

"Calm down Peter." Bucky put his hand on Peters shoulder. "Well, I don't do well in groups, and I also don't do well with people I don't like." He said, moving his eyes back to the physics book then back to Peter. "Are you talking about Mr. Stark?" Bucky laughed a bit at Peter's bluntness, "I don't know, Maybe." Bucky responded. Before Peter could press further, Bucky spoke again. "Do you want to watch a movie?" Peter smiled, "yeah sure! Here, go ahead and scroll through and find something fun, I'm gonna go to the bathroom." He said tossing Bucky the remote while walking towards the bathroom. He emerged from the bathroom a minute or two later, but saw that the screen was still blank. "I thought you wanted to watch a movie?" Peter said, sitting next to Bucky. "Well, yeah, I just don't know much about TV's so I thought i'd let you.." Bucky said, quietly. "Oh! You- You're old, I forgot." Peter giggled and Bucky pushed him a bit.

They settled on a comedy, it was quite funny and they found themselves laughing quite a bit and at some point Peter had ended up laying with his head on Bucky's chest, half asleep, again. He saw Bucky lower the volume, and with that, he faded away.

He woke up to his harsh sounding alarm, which made him jump up out of his bed. The events of yesterday flashed in his head and he smiled a bit before looking around his room for his new friend Bucky, but sadly, same as before, he had left. "Whats with this mans and leaving guys alone in their beds, jeez." He said, walking towards his closet and changing into different clothes. He frowned despite his attempt to joke about Bucky leaving him alone. He knew he wanted to bring it up to him, but didn't know how, so he decided against it while walking to the living room.

Meanwhile, Bucky sat in his room, wide awake, trying to sort his thoughts and figure out what his best options were, he felt terrible for even thinking about Peter in a romantic way but he couldn't help but just want to hold him like he did last night, but he knew by the sound of Peter's heartbeat that it made him anxious, so he didn't know if Peter thought about him in a romantic way at all, he wanted to save himself the trouble, and leave, so he wouldn't have to deal with Peter rejecting him in the morning. So he did, he left and stayed awake all night thinking about what to do, but never coming to a conclusion.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow haha, i haven't posted in a long time... Really sorry to anyone who was following this story! I plan to be active and post as often as I can, I'm really sorry. My life got really hectic and I just couldn't write anymore, I hope you forgive me.

Peter got out of his bed, pressing the button on top of the alarm clock lightly, he learned to do that after smashing it to bits multiple times, then being forced to pay for a new one. He sat on the side of his bed for a few minutes, just staring blankly at the wooden planks in the floor before leaning down, and lifting one up, revealing his diary, he pulled it out gently, it was quite rustic looking, it was a brownish cardboard type texture, and the pages were more-so yellow than they were white. He reached further into the hole and grabbed his trust pencil, it wasn't quite sharp, and the eraser on the back was barely there anymore but, Peter refused to get another pencil if it still worked fine. He got up, each step taking him closer to the desk in the corner of his room, placing his diary and the pencil on the desk before remembering to lock the door. Before locking, he opened it slightly, checking if anyone was still around. Obviously, there wasn't, I mean, it's 7am. He strode back over to his desk, sitting in the comfortable chair and looking down at the pages, scrolling through to find a blank one.   
  
He'd filled this diary with a lot, it wasn't really just a day diary, if it was, he wouldn't be so secretive about it. It was more for his feelings, he wrote about May, and he wrote about everything going on in his mind. While looking through the recent pages trying to find a blank one, he saw all his writing about may that had been done the past week or two, realising he'd almost completely forgotten that she wasn't around anymore. He felt sadness flow through his veins at the thought of "forgetting" Aunt May, but he quickly zoomed past it, realising that remembering was just too painful right now. He finally found a blank page, quietly exhaling "Not so many pages left are there.,." but he started to write.

_"You know, I guess I feel sort of happy that he didn't stay, I think it might be weird to say.. but I'm not entirely sure what I'd say to him, I mean, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself in saying this, but, If he stayed... it would mean something more right? Scratch that actually, it wouldn't mean anything, because Bucky isn't interested in me, at all. It hurts to say, but it's true and I really need to get over it all.. I should be focusing on school. I've missed so much and it's almost the end of the year already, I need to keep up my GPA... wow.. talking about GPA really does make me think about it all... Bucky's so much older than me; He was alive in like the freaking 70's! I mean, yeah he was iced and stuff so he's still gorgeous as all hell.. but I'm 17, my birthday isn't for like 8 months. I wouldn't be surprised if Bucky was homophobic even... God, i can't believe I'm only just NOW thinking about this.."   
  
_Peter felt tears slip from his eyes slightly, he decided to be finished with writing "That was tough." he whispered to himself as he found his way back to the board in the floor, picking it up and placing his diary and the pen inside. He checked the alarm clock on his bed, which confirmed that time really does pass quick when you're in your feels, it was 8am already, which meant that in probably less than 10 seconds, Steve was gonna come in and invite him to breakfast. He started counting down in his head as he tried to look as normal as possible, but ending up in a rather awkward looking position on his bed anyways, he heard a knock from his door. "Come in!" Peter shouted, but watched as the door handle turned aimlessly. "Uh, Peter! Your door is stuck I think?" he heard Steve's voice. "shit!" Peter whispered under his breath before running up to the door and unlocking it. He then opened the door, "Aha, yeah it was a bit stuck! Anyways... What's up Steve?"   
  
"Well, we're about to have breakfast so, just wanted to remind you, everyone gets less grumpy when you're there." Steve smiled, and so did Peter. It was nice to hear that people actually enjoyed his presence, Peter found himself hoping that Bucky was one of the people who enjoyed his company. But he shoved it aside and began walking towards the kitchen with Steve, Seeing pancakes right when they turn the corner. "Pancakes!" Peter could help but exclaim, shortly after cupping his mouth, feeling his cheeks turn red as everyone laughed a bit. "Very perceptive" Tony said sarcastically. "Haha so funny" Peter replied, just as sarcastically, while taking a seat in his chair. He turned expecting to see Bucky sitting next to him, but was surprised when he was face to face with Clint instead, seeing that him and Bucky had changed seats today. He couldn't help but feel a bit sad.

He ate his pancakes, but he found himself more just pushing them around sadly on his plate, staring off into the window, thinking about if Bucky maybe didn't want to be friends with him, and maybe that's why he moved farther away. Maybe Peter had done something to warrant this? Maybe he got too close. Peter didn't feel hungry anymore, just sad. "Earth to Peter!" is all he heard as suddenly his little alone bubble popped, "huh?" he questioned. "We've said your name like 6 times, kid. Got your head in the clouds?" Tony said chuckling a bit to himself. "yeah, yeah I guess so.. Hey uh, I'm gonna go to my room and study some, alright guys?" Peter said, standing up from his chair and picking up his plate. "You barely ate, kid." Tony said, sounding a bit sad to see Peter go, "I'm not so hungry, sorry Mr. Stark" Peter replied, in a happy voice, well, as happy as he could make himself sound. He wasn't all that good at hiding emotions. He brought his plate to the sink and left it there, slowly walking back to his room.

When he got there, he decided to study for a bit, pulling out his physics textbook and his calculus textbook, he flipped to the page which was bookmarked, seeing the page he had studied with Bucky, the memories came flowing back. Peter flipped backwards through the pages, trying to remember everything, even though he knew he shouldn't, it'd make him miss Bucky, he wanted to be around him, even if it was studying, and even if he had to teach Bucky every single thing in his textbook, he missed the company. Being with Bucky has been the only time he felt so... not alone. Ever since may

After about 30 minutes of contemplating, Peter decided that if Bucky wasn't going to come to him... he was going to have to go to Bucky, right? So he got up, grabbing his only his physics book after deciding that carrying both of the books would just be way too heavy for him to handle. He walked towards the door, his shaking hands gripped the door handle, turning it slowly, he thought it'd help to go slower but, it just made him so much more anxious. He walked out into the hallway, his strides anxious and shaking, until he was in front of Bucky's door. It took a second or two but he knocked, and after a few seconds of silence he questioned "Bucky? You in there?" no reply. Huh, strange, he'd usually be in his room by now... Peter walked away, but there was a sour taste in his mouth, so he just sat at the end of the hallway doing his physics work, trying his best to ignore the memories that floated by. Peter was well into thought when he heard the creak of a door, and out came Bucky Barnes, luckily, he was walking the opposite direction of Peter, so he didn't see Peter's expression when it shattered into a million tiny pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and suggestions! I'd love that.


	7. Chapter 7

Peter couldn't really explain why he felt so sad, but it felt like everything around him completely shattered. He wondered to himself _"is this what heartbreak feels like?" _everything felt like it was going slow. He didn't want to move but found his feet running towards his room, leaving his book in the hallway, leaving everything in the hallway, probably his heart too. Peter felt confused as the tears poured from his eyes he wondered why he was so sad over someone who was just a friend, just because his friend ghosted him, I mean, it's not the end of the world, right? But for some reason the tears poured faster and faster by the second, he felt the room spinning around him as he clutched his soft sheets, the only comfort he had. His shaking hands reached for his headphones, slipping them onto his head, fumbling with the cord, connecting it to his phone, blasting music, anything to make his thoughts feel less loud. He laid back on his bed, looking up at the ceiling for what felt like hours before sitting up slowly and reaching for the plank in the floor.

He reached into the hole he'd made in the ground, feeling for that cardboard texture he'd known for about a year now. He didn't bother picking up the pen. He sat on the edge of his bed, flipping through the pages, re-feeling every single feeling he'd felt in the past year, every single painful feeling and every single happy feeling, he flipped vigorously through the pages, noticing that for some reason he was always miserable. He felt the world spin faster around himself as he sat back down on the bed, leaving the book next to himself, he walked towards his window looking down at the street below. He wished he could jump, it'd be fast and it'd all be over, right? he wouldn't have to deal with May, or Bucky, or school, or anything. It'd all be over. All his miserable feelings would be gone, all the memories would disappear. he pressed his hands up to the window, pushing harshly and angrily.   
  
But before he knew the window was broken, it shattered, and Peter jumped back, scared. The room stopped spinning and it felt like everything went quiet. Glass covered the floor. 

"Shit!" Peter exclaimed as he pulled his headphones off his head, bring brought to the peaceful ambient noise of the wind from outside, and the chill breeze flying by, it kind of calmed him, for a moment or two before he noticed that he had to clean this up, and probably tell Mr Stark... He grabbed a broom from the inside of his closet, sweeping all the glass into a pan and dumbing it in the garbage can in the corner of his room. He sighed before wiping the tear stains from his face and leaving his room, walking to the left of his room, and knocking quietly on Tony's door. It opened pretty much almost immediately, "What's up, kid" Tony said nonchalantly. "Well, uh, Mr. Stark, I accidentally uh, broke my window? But don't worry! I cleaned all the glass and all so you don't have to clean any of it i just-" Peter started rambling "Hey, Hey! It's alright, no clue how you did that but uh, I'll fix it, alright?" Tony cut in, "Thanks Mr Stark!" Peter turned to leave when Tony caught him by the shoulder "It's probably going to be freezing in your room, so you should stay with someone else, maybe Steve or Nat, ask round, I'm sure someone'd love to have ya kid." Tony said, quite tiredly. "Oh- totally forgot about that, yeah of course Mr. Stark!" Peter said, trying to be as normal and happy as he could.

The door closed and Peter then realised that he'd actually have to go find someone to spend the night with. He thought about everything, walking around until he found himself in the living room, seeing Bucky sitting on the couch, watching the news. Peter thought about it, I mean it'd show if Bucky actually wanted to even talk to him anymore, right? it'd be a good conversation starter. Much better than "hey uh you ignored me when I knocked on your door, do you not like me?" So Peter walked up, tapping Bucky's shoulder, his head turned quickly. "Hey, uh- so, my window broke and uh- well- It'll be cold so I have to stay with someone else..." Peter said slowly. "Why don't you go ask Clint?" Bucky said, coldly. "Oh- good idea, yeah." Peter said, putting on a small fake smile and turning to see Clint sitting in one of the chairs off to the side of the room, but he didn't seem to be paying any attention so instead of asking him, Peter just decided to spend his night in his own room, he could just pin a blanket to the open window to try and stop the wind from getting in.

So that's what he did. He ignored the pain he was feeling about Bucky, and he walked to his room, pinning a blanket to the corners of the window, while tears streamed down his face. He was smiling though, while pinning the blanket. When he finished, he just sat on his bed, and thats when everything just started coming out, the tears started streaming faster and faster down his face, everything started spinning like it had earlier.  
  
Peter felt everything get darker, the outside of his vision seemed like it was turning black, he felt like he was going to pass out, he cried and cried, cried until he felt like he was going to vomit. He didn't really understand why those words meant to much to him. Why it meant so much that Bucky suddenly didn't even care the tiniest bit about Peter. It didn't matter, right? Peter didn't even know Bucky well, why would Bucky even give a fuck about him, right? But it still felt like he was sinking to the depths of the pacific.

Peter wasn't used to people not getting along well with him, he'd never really 'fought' with anyone before, maybe that's why it hit him so hard? I mean obviously there were people like Flash who didn't like him, but those people don't matter as much as Bucky for some reason. Because he knew if he really wanted to, he could be friends with flash, but everything Peter did now just seemed to get turned down, and for what? for what reason? He didn't know. To his knowledge he'd done nothing wrong, he'd been a good friend, a good buddy to hang around with, yeah maybe he's a bit different and a bit strange, and he can get a bit touchy, but he was good. Was he though? He wasn't so sure anymore. He wasn't sure about anything, his world felt like he was crumbling, he felt sad, but not just sad.

He felt mad, really mad, for some reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and suggestions! I'd love that.


	8. Chapter 8

Before Peter could truly stop himself, he began walking towards his door, his hands shaking as he twisted the handle the wrong way, fumbling with it before finally swinging the door open weakly, and walking out, tears streaming down his face as he walked down the hallway he'd seen so many times now, the carpet which he'd sat in so many times, wether it was happy or sad, he could remember all of it, all the emotions, he felt the tears stream faster, and he put his hand on the wall as he walked down the hallway at what felt like 60 miles per hour. He felt all the divots and bumps in the wall as he saw his destination get closer and closer, until he found his feet right at the footstep of Bucky's door.

He decided to knock, like he had the first time he'd walked to this door, but of course, there was no answer once again. This just made the tears run so much faster, he felt his hands tremble even faster as his hand slowly found itself on the doorknob anyways, it was unlocked, he knew because before he could even understand what to do, he was twisting the doorknob and pushing the door harshly, he looked over the room, seeing Bucky sitting on his bed, looking startled "Peter, what-" he began, but Peter cut in "Why?" he paused for a moment "Why did you do all of this?! Why do you think it's okay?" he paused, tears streaming down his face as he tried to compose himself "We- we were friends, right? you- we hung out? Why don't you like me anymore? What did i do? Please-" he continued, but everything he said just turned into what sounded like gibberish, Peter found himself just repeating the same words.  
  
**"Why don't you like me anymore?"**

He was a mess, so much of a mess that he couldn't even hear when Bucky got up from the bed and approached him, his eyes felt glued together by his tears, he felt Bucky's hands on his shoulders, he knew Bucky was talking but he couldn't hear any of it, he saw his mouth move but no words came out, the tears fell harder until he screamed.  
  
**"WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME, PLEASE-" **

and before Peter could even finish what he was gonna say, hands were on his face, and he felt another face push against his, and their lips touch harshly, this was enough to make his eyes open widely, seeing the black hair he'd come to know, and the handsome face he'd loved to spend time with. It took him a few seconds to comprehend that they were kissing, and by then Bucky had pulled away.

"Peter.. please. You know i'm not good with my emotions. Peter, I never didn't like you. I liked you, I like you. Peter, I think I'm in-" 

but before Bucky could finish his sentence, after all of this, Peter just couldn't handle all the emotions, and he felt the soft black at the corners of his eyes take over. Bucky watched as Peter began falling to the ground, swiftly catching him, and picking him up bridle style. "God... he's going to give me a heart attack." Bucky easily carried Peter, he looked downwards, wiping a strand of hair away from his face, admiring how beautiful he was. He wondered why he never heard people compliment him, he would if he wasn't so embarrassed about it, he felt his face get warm as he noticed what he was doing, you know, just staring at someone who's pretty much asleep. 

Bucky turned around, seeing his bed, he walked towards it and slowly place Peter down, pulling the covers over him, trying to make him as comfortable as possible. He couldn't help but feel happy, even after all that had happened that night. But other than happiness, he was worried. He sat down on the other side of the bed, trying to distance himself from Peter as much as he could, he thought about what had happened.  
  
He thought about how there was a big chance that Peter didn't feel the same way, and how if he didn't then he'd probably never get to hang out with Peter again, he looked back towards Peter, admiring how lovely he was, before looking back at the he had been staring at before. What if the kiss was too much, what if Peter really did just want to be friends with him, what if Bucky just ruined everything like he thought he would. He wished he had just locked the door, so he wouldn't have the chance to mess it up, it's what he'd been doing, avoiding him, he didn't want to ruin it, he knew how tough everything was for Peter right now, he knew how badly he must feel, and he didn't want to mess everything up.  
  
He put a hand on his heart as he thought about hurting Peter, it made his heart ache. He didn't know when he'd fallen this deeply in love, it'd all happened so suddenly, he thought about when they'd studied together, perhaps that was when the feelings started. He wished they hadn't. He doesn't want to hurt Peter, he knows he can. "Fuck." he swore silently. He reached for his journal, the one his therapist gave him, she told him to write his feelings, he inched closer to his desk as quietly as he could and began writing.

_"I think I'm in love, I don't know if I've ever really been in love before. This feels so strange, and weirdly... I feel bad. I feel bad because he's so sweet. Is it weird to hope that someone doesn't like me back? Because I hope he doesn't, it'll be a world of hurt for him, I'm bad news, right? He should know. I can't lose anyone else, I can't. This is why I avoided him in the first part, when you get close to people the only thing it means is that it'll hurt more when you lose them. I wanted to stop it and it was working but now I can't. We kissed, well, I kissed him, and I know that may have just fucked up everything but... if it didn't, theres no going back now right? it'd be weird to go back after something so important like that. I don't want to lose him, I just want to hold him close like I did that one time we watched TV, oh, back then I had no idea what I was in in for... I had no clue that i'd be so deeply in love with this boy. I'm scared for tomorrow."_

And with that, he closed the journal, looking towards the clock and seeing that lots of time had passed, it was probably best of him to sleep, he put his journal to the side and got in bed, trying to distance himself from Peter, which meant that he didn't really get any blankets, but that was okay.


	9. Chapter 9

Peters POV

I looked around the room, but everything was dark; it felt like someone else was there though, I didn't feel so alone, and even though I felt strangely sad, I didn't feel alone and It made me feel weirdly... alright. Weirdly enough the last place I looked was directly in front of me. I stared at the ground, seeing black boots, which lead to black jeans, which had small rips in them. I already knew who this was, I could tell by the copious amounts of black, it was Bucky, of course. I darted my eyes upwards, looking at his face, which was strangely close to me, as I heard the words that felt somewhat familiar.

"**I like you." **

Before I could even comprehend what was happening, our faces collided. I've never kissed anyone before, all I could think about was the fact that Bucky's lips were on mine, and that he was kissing me for real, it wasn't a dream, it wasn't fake, it was real. There was a strange eerie vibe to it all though, something like deja vu. Like this had all happened before, but, I didn't care. All I could focus on was his warm lips, that i'd for some reason expected to be more chapped than they were, his lips were roughly the same size of mine, from what I could feel. The kiss wasn't quick, it was harsh and deep. I could feel the pressure, I could feel that this was something important. 

"Peter?"

he began to pull away from me.  
  
"Peter??"  
  
he looked confused.

"Peter are you awake?"

And that's when my eyes shot open, I looked around the room once again, seeing the room I had just been in moments before, but lighter, as if it was day. I looked forwards, and looking down at me was the face that I had just kissed, almost as close as we had been. It was a dream? I had dreamt that? I looked around and noticed that this isn't my room. What happened yesterday? I realised I hadn't answered his question yet. "Oh- yeah, yeah yeah, i'm up!" I said, trying not to sound like i'm insanely deep in thought, even though I am. Looking at his face, that's when it all came back.

Even though, yes, what I had been dreaming was... just a dream, there must be a reason it felt so real? A reason I had that weird feeling of deja vu, it was all starting to click for me, even though it was a dream, that didn't mean it was fake. Or I guess to put it better, that didn't mean it hadn't happened beforehand. The memories were a bit tough to grasp onto, and I'm not even sure if they really happened but, it was all I could remember. 

I remembered crying, really really hard. And I remember the texture of the walls in the hallway, and staring at the carpet. I remember twisting the doorknob, and I remember screaming until my lungs felt paper thin, like they would break. And lastly, I remember the kiss. I remember Bucky saying that he likes me, that he never didn't like me, that he was... in love? That was the only part I couldn't grasp, maybe I was making it up. But I hoped I wasn't, because if i wasn't, and Bucky really did love me, maybe, just maybe, I'd have a chance with him, right?

"Peter? You alright?" I cut back into reality, staring up at the same face I'd just been pondering about. "Yeah- I- uh... Bucky?" I didn't exactly know what I was going to ask but, I knew I had to ask something. "Yeah, Peter?" I heard his beautiful voice reply, and I felt my heart almost melt. "Uh- What happened?" My voice was frail, like it was on the verge of just shattering and breaking completely, my lungs felt terrible and my face felt warm and red, as though i'd been crying, which just validated my memories from the night before. "Do you remember any of yesterday?" His voice sang, feeling like it was entering my heart. "I.. do" I tried my best not to strain my voice any more than I had to. "Can you- Can you tell me what you remember, please?" God, his voice, who even let him have such a nice voice, he has a pretty face, a nice body and a nice voice and what do I have? It's so unfair, why is he so perfect.

I almost forgot to answer the question, I had to remind myself to stop ogling him and actually reply. "Oh! I- well..." I took a pause, gathering my thoughts, should I tell him that I remember it, I should shouldn't I? or does he hope I don't... Fuck it.

"I was crying, really really hard. I- well I thought you didn't want to be friends with me anymore... Bucky... You were the first person here who i'd- god- the first person I even spoke to, really. I missed you so much and I was mad, really mad at you. I... I remember walking to your room and knocking, and you didn't reply" I saw his face turn sad and he looked away, "I- I was really mad, I screamed at you, my lungs hurt and everything was getting dark.. I'm sorry, by the way." I paused my story, looking down into my lap. "for what?" I heard a soft reply from the beautiful dark haired boy sitting in front of me. "for yelling." I looked up to meet his eyes, they didn't look like they usually did, his eyebrows were sad, his eyes, they felt soft, like he cared about what I was saying. "It's okay. I'm not mad at you, Peter, I'm anything but mad at you." Bucky brought his hand up to my face, wiping away the stray tear that I hadn't even noticed was there. 

I continued my story, my heart fluttering, anxiety flowing through every single vein in my entire body, my voice and my hands trembling as I got to the most important part.

"I remember.. yelling, and yelling- and then you told me that you didn't not like me, and.. you-" I looked up, seeing his eyes desperate to know if I remembered what had happened. "You- kissed me, I think. I mean- I don't want to jump to conclusions it was probably my imagination, why would you kiss me anyways right-" I started rambling, I guess as a way to try and cover up for what I was saying, but Bucky cut in.   
  
"No, you're right, Peter." He said, looking me square in the face, his eyes felt deep, I felt as though they were seeing right through me. "Okay." I didn't know what else to say so I guess that's just what slipped out. We stared in silence for a long while, I couldn't read his expression well, but after a while I broke eye contact, and continued to tell my story, as a way to ease the tension, I guess. "And then... everything got dark. Did I pass out, Bucky?" I turned towards him, he was still looking at me, his eyes felt like they were looking everywhere on my face, tracing for every hint of emotion they could find, but I didn't feel scared, I mean, I felt tense... but I was strangely comfortable.

"Yeah- you uh, you passed out and I carried you to the bed. I mean- obviously I made sure you were okay, I checked your breathing and heart rate but, everything seemed to add up with what happened. You really scared me, passing out like that." He looked away when he was talking, I could tell he's never really talked like this with anyone, he seemed anxious, but he was trying his best to act calm. I felt grateful. "Do you- uh, do you remember what I said? Before you passed out?" He asked. I scanned my memory, every word he'd said that night. "Uh... Something like... You liked.. me? Right?" I talked slow, I wasn't exactly sure how to feel or talk. We were talking about something so important, something so strange. I mean- I felt as though I've known Bucky for years and years but, we'd never, talked about love before.

"I don't know if you're ready to hear this, so I want you to think about it carefully Peter." He said, standing up, and walking towards the door. "I think.. I'm in love. With you." he said, his back facing me, before he turned around. "I'll give you time to think about it... I know that must be strange or weird to hear, and I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore, after this." He looked sad. I felt bad. "I'll give you time, alright?" He said, opening the door swiftly and giving a small wave and leaving. He did it all so fast, I didn't even have a chance to say how I felt, but, even if I did have a chance, what would I say? 

After a few minutes of thinking I decided that I should go check back on my room, I walked down the hallway, memories popping up each step of last night, until I reached my door, opening it and seeing that my window had been fixed. I walked towards my bed and sat down. 

What do I say?

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and suggestions! I'd love that.


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